Mirror, Mirror on the wall who’s the most beautiful one of all? Well, it certainly wasn’t me!
It’s not that I didn’t think I was pretty or attractive. I knew that I wasn’t ugly, but beautiful, that would be a big no.
I guess I had misunderstandings about myself. Sure, I would hear people tell me that I was beautiful. I would politely smile and say, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” I learned early in life that if you didn’t just say thank you it would look like you were digging for more compliments.
Yes, I taught myself how to hear and how to respond. I believed that they were being nice or just trying to make me feel good. The truth was I didn’t believe it.
I saw beautiful in the first woman in my life and that was my mom. She would tell me the stories of how when she walked into a room every eye was turned to her. The truth was my mother was indeed beautiful. She looked like a movie star that walked off the screen. Both men and women couldn’t help themselves to gaze upon her beauty.
My mother would call me her pretty princess, that was me, pretty. I never felt that was a bad thing, it was just who I was.
In grammar school I would see the beautiful girls and all the boys recognized them. They paid attention to those girls, but the pretty ones were put off into a different category.
Throughout High School I saw the beautiful girls walking the hallways with this inner confidence that exuded outward. They didn’t question who they were or ever thought of being rejected. You see, you don’t get rid of something beautiful, you want it in your life. It makes you feel better to be surrounded by beauty.
In my twenty’s I always had beautiful girlfriends that would accompany me to various nightclubs. The guys would come and try to get their attention. My girlfriends could have their pick. I was the sidekick that used humor and smiles to garner attention from any male suitor.
My dream since childhood was to be on Television. I wanted to be like Lucille Ball or Carol Burnett, it was in my DNA. I could be them because just like me they were pretty, but it was their talent and personality that brought them great success.
At the age of 23 I enrolled myself into acting classes in NYC. I was excited as I began to move into my destiny, however there was one tiny issue, my beauty. All the other young talented women were there too and they were all beautiful. I tried to compete to stand out, but their beauty and lack of mine just brought me defeat. How could I compete with them? I became afraid and discouraged. I laid down my dream and walked away from being famous. That role would be left for the beautiful people.
It wasn’t until I got married that the feelings of inadequacy in being seen started to fade. I found my mate and he seemed happy with me. I settled into being the pretty wife and mother far away from the spotlight.
God has a funny way of bringing about changes just when you become comfortable.
I went to my first prophetic conference in 2013, Randy Clark’s, “Voice Of The Prophet.” I was so excited to hear and see these new ways of experiencing God. The first speaker took the stage and began sharing his experiences. I was listening intently when all of a sudden I heard God say, “I’m pulling you out of the crowd and putting you in the spotlight!” I quickly dismissed this thought and asked God to forgive me for these crazy notions. I mean, why would God put me in the spotlight? There were so many others who could do it, why use me?
It was two days later I was called out of the crowd by name and brought to the stage. Yep, I was standing before 2,500 people with a spotlight on me as prophet Jamie Galloway read my mail. He said, “something you laid down, God is picking back up.” I immediately knew what that was, God was going to bring me to TV. I didn’t know how, but I knew He would.
A few months later I started a podcast called “Touched By Prayer”. God gave me the name and brought me the people. He taught me how to engage in a talk show format. In year 3 of the show God started to talk to me about doing video. He arranged opportunities to interview some influential people and I started to do short video messages. All of these orchestrated by God, but that wasn’t it, there was more that needed to be done to prepare me for my destiny.
About 6 months ago I would hear God calling me His beautiful Lisa, every morning I would hear it. I would smile because after all, God sees everything as beautiful. However, God had a bigger message and He was going to make sure I got it.
I prepared to go to Kansas for an unconventional tent meeting. A gathering of artists and believers who were going to bring Jesus to the circus. I got a text message from a friend that was so sweet right before I boarded the plane. It was simple, a song and a message “You don’t know you’re beautiful.” I quickly responded in my usual manner, “Aww thank you, you are so sweet”. Her response caught me off guard when she messaged back “You’re beautiful”!
I loved her heart and knew her intention was to send me love. I had no idea what was about to happen, but God did!
I arrived in Kansas excited and exhausted. I quickly started to notice a pattern as introductions were being made. Each and every woman I would meet greeted me in the same manor. I heard it over and over again different voices and faces, but the same message “oh, you are so beautiful.”
I did what I always did, I smiled sweetly said, “aww, thank you you are so sweet.” I still couldn’t receive it and I didn’t believe it. It was deep hole that God had to fill to make me understand it. It would take pressure, heat and lots of love to change pretty into beautiful.
I heard the Midwest was hot, but I now understand why Dorothy wanted to go over the rainbow, she wanted to get out of the heat!
The circus tent was up and so was the temperature. I lived in Florida so, I thought I could take heat, yeah not so much. I was being taken into the refiners fire and God was going to burn the beauty out of me.
Days of ministry can be exhausting. If you add high temperature, little sleep and dehydration you are running on fumes. I would get so wrapped up in taking care of others that I forgot to take care of me. I broke down like a car out of gas and I needed a jumpstart fast. My mind became cluttered and confused as I realized I was spinning out of control. It was the perfect set up for God to step in and set me straight. I had no fight in me, so I couldn’t push it away any longer I was in His oven and He was baking me a cake of beauty.
What I love most about God is when you are at your weakest, He is at His strongest. He knows what you need and who you need to get the job done.
God couldn’t use anyone who knew me because I wouldn’t be able to see Him. He set me up to receive what I so desperately needed.
I met her at the circus and instantly loved her. Her sweet smile and tenderness drew me to her like a moth to a flame. I asked her if I could pray with her and she excitedly said yes. We found a quiet place for God to share His love and plans for her. The funny thing was as I began to speak, the tables turned and she began ministering to me. I kept apologizing for not praying over her, but instead I kept pouring out my fears, rejection, insecurities and doubts about my destiny.
After buckets of tears and lots of hugs I was able to minister to her. We had an instant connection and I knew God sent her just for me. I wanted to thank her for taking this blubbering mess and turning my frown upside down. I invited her to dinner and what do you eat in Kansas, but BBQ.
At dinner we talked about our lives and God. I shared my testimonies and the amazing encounters I had at the circus. Yep, Jesus showed up as I recounted the many faces touched by His love!
I shared this one particular encounter that floored me. I told her about the young lady who couldn’t say, “He Sees ME.” I would repeat the same phrase to this young woman who believed that God didn’t see her. She cried as I told her repeat this, “He Sees Me”, she stuttered and stammered as the words could not leave her lips. Her shaking head and sad eyes told me this lie was deeply ingrained inside her heart. She was like a mute and I was determined to open that mouth. I looked in her eyes as tears fell down my cheeks declaring His love for her. It finally happened the words formed slowly each syllable breaking the lies that she wasn’t seen or valued. Her mouth was speaking a truth that she needed so desperately to believe in. As she spoke it out I shouted “Yes, say it again!” She spoke easier this time the tears didn’t crush her, but spoke of hurts being lifted off. “Again, repeat it again”, I told her. This time when she spoke there was no stutter, no pause, no holding back, but a big smile as the truth got buried deep in her soul.
I went on to share the other encounters with my new sister as we ate our meal. We left the restaurant and decided to grab some ice cream from a nearby place. We were in the car when suddenly my friend turned to me and said I have a song for you from God. She preceded to sing “You Are So Beautiful” made famous by Joe Cocker. As the melody rang out I hung my head and began to weep! Of course God would tell her to sing that song to me. He was up to something.
The tears flowed lightly at first and then the downpour came as I shared the text message I received a few days earlier. She sweetly smiled and said, “You don’t know how beautiful you really are?” I shook my head, no I’m pretty. She quickly replied back “No, You’re Beautiful!”
She looked me deep in the eyes and used the same method of healing I just shared with her. I want you to repeat after me “I am beautiful.” I wiped back the tears and began to repeat “I am” and that was all I could say, the beautiful couldn’t be spoken. I became that young lady I just described. Shock raced through my head as I couldn’t repeat this one word. My lips froze as this lie was so deeply engraved on my soul. She looked at me again with those eyes that I knew were not hers, but the eyes of Jesus. I couldn’t lie and I couldn’t avoid this anymore.
I took a deep breath and we tried again. “I am” was all that could come, but then came a cry so deep that rattled my every fiber. My heart began beating out of control as this disbelief tried to anchor itself to the core of my soul. How come I can’t say it raced through my head. An inner strength began to emerge inside as I was determined to get free. This lie was leaving me once and for all. Again, let’s do this I said with all the strength I had. I repeated “I am” bbbbbbeaut i fulll.” I stammered, stuttered and pushed the word out, but it wasn’t the truth yet, not my truth. The tears came pouring out for all the wasted years believing this lie. I had to say it and I had to own it!
She asked me to ask God where did this come in? I prayed and pleaded for the revelation to come quickly to end my torment. I heard and saw nothing to pinpoint the entry, except that I just always believed it.
She began to pray over me to go back, way back into your mother’s womb. I felt my body buckle over as darkness began to fill my head. There were no tears and no thoughts, just a calming peace. Slowly, I felt my body begin to move. I wasn’t moving, but the spirit of God inside of me started to pull something out. He was about to birth something so big that it would change me! My body began turning and suddenly I began to rise up. I could start to see a bright light as if the sun was beaming down on me. A powerful rushing of energy started building up like I was being pushed through the birthing canal. As I sat back up in the chair my eyes burst open and my mouth shouted “I’m Beautiful”, no hesitation and no more stuttering.
My heart was racing as I felt like I just won the million dollar lottery. “I’m beautiful” look at me “I’m Beautiful”, I’m really beautiful!
The joy and laughter culminated as the tears ran down my face. I repeated it over and over. I could say it because I finally believed it.
We laughed, cried and hugged as wave after wave of this new truth rushed through my body. It was the truth that was there all along.
God has often called me “Dorothy, from The Wizard Of Oz”. Dorothy was told by Glinda The Good Witch, “You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.”
That was the same for me the truth was always there. I just had to to go to Kansas to learn it for myself!