I’m not quite sure how it happened. I didn’t believe I was qualified or could possibly ever fill the shoes of a “Spiritual Mom”.
God began speaking this role into my destiny deep into my heart before I was ever born.
I became a mother to my younger siblings at the age of 16 because our mother was not always able to fill that responsibility. A mid life crisis crippled her to handle motherhood. She had her demons to fight with and she left us. It was hard and shocking to be abandoned at a time I needed my mother the most. I had to assume the role because my dad was only capable of working and providing. Nurturing was not in his upbringing although he was able to love us in his way.
I learned how to protect and defend my siblings as any good mother would do. I didn’t ask to be put into that position, but I accepted it. I wasn’t very good at it, so I tried to find women who were! I watched and learned. I knew by the time I had children of my own I would be the best mom I could be.
When I became a mother in 1998 and 2000 I was overwhelmed with joy! I wanted to be the mom to my children that I secretly longed for in my childhood.
Motherhood brought out this over achieving “Carol Brady” perfectionist that I believed would change my past. I made my children their first Halloween costumes. I did all the things I thought a good mom does. I would read to them, sing to them, dance and play with them. I was determined to fix all my childhood disappointments through my children lives. I would never leave them or hurt them. I would always be there to cheer them on! I was not my mother and I was proving it with each assignment I would take on.
I engulfed myself into every part of their life. I took turns with each child being their class mom. I went above and beyond the duties of a class mom so that my kids would know how much I love them. I became involved in the Parent Teacher Association eventually becoming President. I even became a cheerleading coach for daughter’s cheer squad. Yep, I was present in their life and I made sure everyone saw it. It was that constant proof that I needed that I was good mom, so I volunteered for even more things.
I even taught Catholic CCD class for my kids. This was a once a week after school program to teach children about God. That’s when it began to change. God started to change my heart and I fell in love with my little class of first graders. My heart would delight as I taught them about God and share the information from the printed pamphlets that the church provided. I wanted to adopt them all.
I think that’s when God stepped in. He wanted my little world to include His bigger world. He wanted me to be a mom to many.
First, He needed to heal me of all my broken mother wounds. It wasn’t just my mom who abandoned me, but any woman who wanted to be a mother figure in my life. The rejection from these women left an emptiness inside of me.
God broke through the striving and began to unwrap the hurts. My picture of what a good mother looked like was going to change me from the inside out.
My world began to crash around me. I couldn’t keep up the charade any longer and needed to it let go. That’s when God began to mother me.
He needed to fix my mother wounds for His greater purpose, become a mother to His children.
I remember the first time I heard God say to me “You are her spiritual mother”.
I didn’t understand it at all. I just met this beautiful young lady at a women’s retreat. I instantly connected with her. I felt such a shift inside of me. We bonded within seconds of meeting and I knew that this relationship was something different, something special.
As I got to really know my new daughter I was astounded at the understanding she had about God and the Bible. Our conversation was more of her teaching me then me teaching her. How could I possibly be a spiritual mother to someone who knows so much? I asked God “Are you sure I’m her spiritual mom? I can’t teach her anything about You.” I then heard The Lord say, “Can you be a mother to her? Can you love her with a mother’s love?” I quickly responded, yes I can.
After that confirmation I would recognize that quickening as young people would pop in and out of my life. I would just know that one needs a mother’s love, approval or nurturing.
One son referred to me as “Momma Lisa”. I giggled and smiled as I heard those words ring out. I knew that only a son or daughter could call you that. I guess it was out that I was a Momma.
At my last conference I had a vision as I was ministering to a young lady. I saw the movie Dumbo. In the scene Dumbo was being rocked in the trunk of his mother. I heard the song “Baby Of Mine”. I’ve asked The Lord why am I seeing this and The Lord replied, “Sometimes a child just needs to be rocked and held by a mother just to know that they’re loved.”
I could feel the love bubbling up from within my heart as I started to rock. My arms became the trunks that tenderly cradled this child letting them feel a mother’s love. The breaking of chains started to fall off. Any of the doubts I ever had of being called a spiritual mom were now unlocked as this vision from God suddenly became my reality.
I knew that healing was happening here not just for her, but for me. I allowed God to use me as His surrogate mother to rock away the pain, the hurt, the loneliness and the fear.
I heard the lyrics of “Baby Of Mine” from the movie Dumbo singing over us. Father God playing a lullaby that would rock away anything that would hinder His love from flowing.
Baby mine, don’t you cry.
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart, Never to part, baby of mine.
Little one, when you play, Pay no heed what they say.
Let your eyes sparkle and shine,Never a tear, baby of mine.
If they knew all about you,
They’d end up loving you, too.
All those same people who scold you, What they’d give just for the right to hold you.
From your hair down to your toes, You’re not much, goodness knows. But, you’re so precious to me, Sweet as can be, baby of mine.
It’s said that elephants make the best moms. They never leave their children, are very affectionate, are very protective and very nurturing.
I didn’t know anything about the mother elephant, but God does. He used an elephant to show me His truth and backed it up scientifically. I read many articles about elephant mother’s and how we can learn from them. God is teaching me about motherhood through an elephants eyes.