My Funny Valentine

It was subtle at first.

Soon it became obvious and then I looked for it.

All the messages God was sending me were becoming a sweet game we could play together. A kind of hide n seek of sorts. God would hide them and I would find them.

I always loved to look at the clouds as a child. I could spend hours just gazing into the sky watching the clouds form pictures. I could see so clearly the formless clouds slowly turning into a whale or duck. I was good at guessing what shape would be formed before it completely stopped moving.After I started spending time with God I began to look into the clouds again. My childlike behavior was coming alive during my time in prayer. I would sit on my deck searching the sky for images when I noticed the hearts. It started slowly then I would just sit, wait and watch them form before my eyes.

I would become that little girl delighted by the formation of the clouds. I believed that God was sending me hearts to tell me He loves me.

I told my girlfriends on a trip to Siesta Key, Fl that God sends me hearts in the clouds. Of course, they laughed it off until I started to point them out. Each day I would show them the hearts. It began to change my vision into looking beyond what is in front of me and searching for hidden things.

It’s funny, what you start to look for you will find. I started to look for hearts!

That weekend at lunch I pulled out a heart-shaped potato chip. My friends were as shocked as I was. The signs were a-changing. Now, it was becoming personal.

It was apparent that God wanted to make His love more evident. He knew how to touch me in the deepest place. He wanted me to know that He loved me deeply and He was going to show that love to me everywhere I went.

God started to place hearts in the most unexpected places.

The finding of hearts became more and more common to anyone that spent any time with me. My daughter, Sam began pointing out the hearts even before I had a chance to see them. One day I was pouring dipping sauce onto my plate and formed a heart. Sam said, “Mom, of course, you would have a heart.” I would find hearts on the ground in rocks and potholes. My eyes wouldn’t be searching for them, but my spirit inside of me was. I was searching for love!

I was growing more excited about finding the hearts. I guess I was love-starved and I needed to understand why love was so important to God.

Love was something I didn’t understand. I never understood the significance of Valentine’s hearts they didn’t have any meaning to me except I would smile when I would see them.

My parents showed me a broken version of what “I love you” meant. For them, it was I love you today, but tomorrow we will have to see. It was conditional love. If you please me, then I will love you, but if you don’t you can be replaced.

I was in love with the concept of love. However, love was something that eluded me because I thought I couldn’t measure up.

The phrase “I love you” was something you said, but it was just a bunch of words. It didn’t hold the value and importance in my heart that God wanted it to have.

I wanted to believe an “I Love You” from God meant so much more, it had to. In the Bible, there is a book called Song of Songs it talks about this kind of love. To be honest, I read it, but I still couldn’t understand how it could relate to me. I saw myself as God’s child, but not His great love. He was going to change that because of the hearts.God would find such delight in sending me a heart when I didn’t deserve it. It was the moments I was angry or felt out of control that a heart would grab my attention. I would ask God, “How could you send me a heart after I acted so terribly?” The whispers of God would reply “I love you in your weakness.”

Washing dishes I would find a heart as the menial chores of life became an I LOVE YOU for being a good mother. Brushing my teeth or taking care of myself I would find a heart. God was saying, “I LOVE YOU for taking good care of yourself.”

Cooking became a place of finding hearts. It was becoming a game for me or it was that gentle reminder that God was saying, “I see what you’re doing and I love you for doing it.”

Even when I was resting or just having quiet time, God would surprise me as only He could.

Having a facial I spotted a heart on the sheet I was laying on. While finishing a cup of tea at the bottom of the cup the tea leaves had formed a heart. He was always so creative with sending His love messages.

Yes, He Loved me when I was happy, but also when I was sad. Whether I was having a bad day or an amazing day His love never changed because God is LOVE.

He doesn’t waste any opportunities to tell His children He loves them. Even the crumbs of a cookie can be used to express His love for a child.

The reminders were there. He told me in the sky, in the food, in the earth, and in everything I did. I suddenly began to understand what love is. Love isn’t fickle, love remains, love endures and love forgives. It was all written in the Bible in the book of 1 Corinthians
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-5, 7-8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The reminders were all around me I only had to look for them. He diverted my attention away from the world’s definition of love and focused it on His heart of love for me. In the book Song Of Songs, I finally found a verse that I can relate to!

“You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. Song of Songs‬ ‭4:9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

God was able to break through the hurts, fears, and trepidation that held me back from feeling the love. True love, His love.

He pursued me and sent me valentines to prove His love. Special deliveries sent from God to make me His forever love!

He took every advantage to get my attention. The victory was His with each heart He sent. I’m devoted now to showing everyone God’s love for them. I’m all about being His love on earth that God now calls me His “Love Child.”

The valentines are still being sent as I continue to find the hearts. God loves to lavish His children with surprises for no other reason but to show them, love. Some of the hearts were sent a long time before I was able to see them.

The best heart I ever received was on the paw of my dog, Elvis. Funny that I had never seen it before. We were laying on the couch together when I found it. It was just another reminder “He REALLY LOVES Me”!

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He Loves Me

It was all about love! He always loved me and He was going to show me just how much.

It was my first women’s retreat ever. I was excited and scared at the same time. I was so new to the church, but something inside me said, “GO!”

I didn’t know what to expect, I just knew that God wanted me there. I didn’t know anyone that was going, so this would be a big leap of faith in many ways.

I lay in my bed with thoughts of what was this going to be like. My husband wasn’t convinced that this was a good idea. I had just come back a few months earlier from a girl’s disastrous getaway weekend.

It was the same kind of scenario as the retreat because I didn’t know the ladies that invited me to the getaway weekend very well either.

I went on this girl’s weekend adventure full of excitement. I had always managed to fit in. You could call me a chameleon because I could adapt to any environment, that was until, that trip. I couldn’t fit in and I felt like a fish out of water.

The one woman pushed every button to make me feel unacceptable, inferior, shamed, and uninvited. The funny thing was the one who hosted the entire weekend.

My husband endured countless phone calls and texts from me during that time begging me to come home. I was miserable and in tears. I just didn’t fit in and they made it known.

My husband must have had similar thoughts when I heard him from the other room call out, “I’m not coming to get you if you hate it. Are you sure you want to go?”

My heart started racing as fear began to tighten its grip on me. I quickly began praying, “Lord, please protect me. Please don’t let me get hurt again.” My emotions got the best of me and I began crying. I heard His gentle voice quietly calm my nerves, “Don’t worry daughter, this weekend is all about love.”

As the tears streamed down my face I smiled and began to wipe the tears away. I got up and began to prepare for my trip.

I was carpooling down with a bunch of ladies, so had my husband drive me to the location where we would meet. I knew only one woman, but this other woman who I briefly had a quick conversation with one day at church kept popping into my thoughts. I didn’t know her name or if she was coming to the retreat. The only thing I knew is God put her on my radar.

We pulled into the driveway and much to my surprise there she was. She was the designated driver and I offered to be her co-pilot on this Holy Spirit pilgrimage.

The car ride was filled with laughter, stories, and bonding with strangers that I now regard as sisters.

We got to our destination as one big happy family.

There were so many surprises God had in store for me that weekend. He arranged our rooms to be across the hall from each other. God had another lady write me a note, not only of encouragement, but it shared the deepest desires of my heart.

Yes, He Loves Me and He showed me in every possible way that He could that weekend.

I fell in love with these women. They became a part of my heart and my life. The bonds made that weekend became lifelong friendships.

God gave me a greater understanding of my relationships with women. I was able to compare the differences I experienced between this trip and the last one I had been on.

He began to show me why I didn’t fit in on my first trip, and why I was a puzzle piece placed perfectly on this trip.

He showed me that I’ve been changed by His love. I couldn’t walk through life and not be affected by the hurting. I had a new compassion that would see past the exterior of a person and see their heart. Not only did my heart change, but so did my spiritual senses.

I was becoming a Kingdom kid!

Kingdom changed the atmosphere and brought heaven down to earth. In the Kingdom was freedom from judgment, ridicule, and shame. My Daddy was teaching me as His daughter how these new principles would apply to my life.

The relationships that were blooming were all because Kingdom was His goal

I discovered that I was so miserable on my first trip because I was lying to myself. There was truth being placed inside me that was difficult to accept.

In the world is judgment, prejudice, anger, betrayal, condemnation, hurt, and the list goes on. However, in His Kingdom, God brings a greater truth of who you are so you can live above what the world says about you. You now live with the understanding that He loves you and because of that, you live Free!

That weekend was my freedom weekend. I started building these new relationships with women in a greater way because I knew who I was.

I cherish the memories of that retreat because it was a game-changer. I became a new and better version of myself. So when the world tries to tell me who I’m not, I just have to remind myself that I’m loved and I have a tee shirt to prove it!

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

How many times have you looked into the mirror and winced at the reflection looking back at you?

If only I was younger, thinner, prettier or even looked different, then I would be happy.  We are constantly comparing our reflection to the photo shopped images we see in magazines and billboards.

We have a love hate relationship with ourselves. We love to hate on the things we do not see as perfect. Is the mirror our biggest enemy or could it be we are?

Women have, unfortunately been set up for failure when it comes to seeing real beauty in themselves and I have seen this first hand while working at the cosmetics counter.

The moment I would engage them in conversation about their skin, the self hatred would begin.

“Oh look at my lines”

“I hate my skin” 

“See these circles”

The endless words of self hate would pour out quickly and effortlessly.

It was so easy for them to see the beautiful models as perfection and themselves as flawed. Our cosmetics industry set them to desire to look like someone else. We have been taught that flawless is beautiful, so we better fix those flaws FAST!

I was guilty of the same things, until one day God shared a encounter at work that changed me forever!

A young lady from Ireland approached my cosmetics counter looking for some new makeup and beauty advise. She was sweet and completely insecure about her looks.  I asked her to take a seat and we engaged in small talk as I began picking out products for her to try.

Quickly the conversation turned towards God and His goodness. It began with a book that popped into my thoughts. I couldn’t think of the title, but she knew it because her cousin just gave it to her. I immediately knew God was up to something, but I had no idea what.

I was listening to her chatting away when suddenly I heard The Lord say in my spirit, “Tell her she tried to commit suicide on several occasions.” My response was quick, ABSOLUTELY NOT! Followed by “Get behind me Satan” thrown in for good measure.

It was only a few seconds later I heard that familiar voice speak ever so gently to me, “Tell her that she tried to commit suicide on several occasions.” I began shifting my thoughts from it’s the devil to, it’s GOD. I started to give all the reasons to The Lord why I couldn’t say this, when again the third time I heard “Lisa, tell her that she tried to commit suicide on several occasions.”

I swallowed back my fear and I began to gently tell her all that God was sharing about her life.

It was life filled with abuse and hurts. Tormenting images from her past had her believing the lie that death would end the pain.

As I poured out all that I knew, her eyes filled up with shock and amazement of the secret information that she thought no one in the entire world could possibly know!

Tears poured out from a beautiful woman who’s innocence was stolen. A distorted images was the reflection she would see each day, but God was about to change it.

I began to tell her that there were days she felt she was beautiful, but became disappointed when she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked at me with tears streaming down her face. I smiled back and said, “The reason you feel beautiful is because God sees you that way. He is the one that is telling you just how beautiful He sees you!”

At that moment she broke down and told me that no one knows any of this, not even the feelings of hoping to look beautiful. I know that this is God!

I prayed with her and after she quickly purchased her items. A big hug of love and heartfelt thank you was exchanged as we said our goodbyes.

I wiped away my tears and thanked God for this beautiful encounter.

No longer would look at women’s flaws, but I would begin to see the beauty that was hidden in each woman I would encounter. My barometer of beauty had changed, all because of a Father’s love for a daughter.